Ever since Rats in the Ranks, socialist leader Anthony Albanese has overcome his natural shyness and backed into the political limelight. He is now likely to be the next Prime Minster of Australia, according to published polls. We await not his campaign platform but rather the inevitable consequences of his stewardship of the nation, most of which will occur due to desuetude of governance, owing to Albo’s lethargy and indifference to issues such as energy security, border protection, national debt, freedom of the individual and the rise of China.
Albo is enthusiastic about the movies, though, especially one with a good cinematic speech (Mark Latham once referred to Canberra as “Hollywood for ugly people“). Albo has form for plundering film scripts for his own addresses, such as when he plagiarized from The American President. Less gaffe-prone than Joe Biden, he nevertheless does wield a wall of guff, railing against Tory greed while he deploys a more apposite noun, envy. So, in the spirit of another Michael Douglas film, Wall Street, we offer Albo a chance to channel Gordon Gecko:
Men and Women of Australia,
Envy is good.
Envy is right.
Envy works; Envy clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the revolutionary spirit.
Envy, in all its forms, has marked the surge of equity in the world,
And Envy – you mark my words – will not only save me
But that malfunctioning workers collective called the Commonwealth of Australia.