The White Lotus, Series 2, episodes 1 – 6 (director and writer Mike White) 2022

December 7, 2022 | Posted by Lesley Jakobsen | THUMBNAIL REVIEWS, TV SERIES |

Those who were charmed and a little shocked by the intrigues of the first series of HBO’s The White Lotus, might come to series two with the wrong expectations. This series, set in a sumptuous Sicilian hotel in the eponymous chain, has little charm, but plenty of shocks.

It looks beautiful, some of the clothes are beautiful – although we’d like to know what Hayley Lu Richardson did to upset the the wardrobe, hair and makeup departments so much.  Sadly, Murray Bartlett’s marvellous manager character did not survive series one, but the manager of this White Lotus, lovelorn, man-hating Valentina (the lovely Sabrina Impacciatore) provides what little humour and compassion there is in this sequel to date.

Most of the performances are fine.  Jennifer Coolidge reappears as Tanya, left behind with her assistant when her gold-digging, philandering husband flees the hotel and their marriage.  She is even larger, clumsier, more sleepy-eyed and vulnerable than in the first series.  At the end of episode six we are worried about her future.  We think that her friendship with the sophisticated Quentin (Tom Hollander) and his louche entourage might not be a good idea.  Her miserable, lazy and rude assistant, Portia (the aforementioned Hayley Lu Richardson) might be able to help her, but she’s busy with a hideous English lout Jack (Leo Woodall – again, a sterling appearance in a thankless role).

Harper (Aubrey Plaza, a slightly less sneering plank than the one she perfected in Parks and Recreation) rivals Portia for Miserable Character of the series.  Harper and her moping husband Ethan (Will Sharpe) play out the irritating plot device of a misunderstanding which could be cleared up in a minute if the protagonists spoke to each other like real people do.  But no, each must keep a pointless secret and glare at the other behind his or her back. Ethan and Harper are on holiday with Cameron (Theo James) and Daphne (Meghann Fahy), both of whom Harper hates, even more than she despises her husband. Ethan has just sold his company for a lot of money and Cameron wants to give him financial advice.

Cameron cheats on Daphne, who pretends to cheat on him. As almost everyone in this series watches porn and cheats on their partner with whomever is around there are many curiously unerotic sex scenes, although the nude Freddie Mercury lookalike is interesting. There’s also much orange fake tan on display. Grubby-looking prostitutes Lucia (Simona Tabasco in a fright wig), and Mia (Beatrice Granno) swagger about the hotel in the ugliest skimpy clothes seen this side of Rihanna’s wardrobe.  Their presence seems entirely gratuitous, other than to provide yet more tedious sex scenes and to enable Mia to tinkle the ivories and whisper ballads at the hotel’s bar. Granno must be related to the producers. Bert (F Murray Abraham) and Dominic (Michael Imperioli) are a sleazy father and son, who have come to Sicily together with Dominic’s son Albie (Adam DiMarco) (who has even less gorm than Tanya) to find distant relatives. Along the way of course the three get tangled-up with Lucia and Mia, and it couldn’t be uglier.

On the good side of the ledger –  the opening credits and main theme (Renaissance (Main Title Theme) are eerie. An angry peasant woman uses an artichoke as a weapon. We do know from the first episode that some guests turn up dead, which creates suspense and interest in the final episode, but ultimately we don’t really care, because the production and its people are nasty and soulless.

The White Lotus' Season 2 Premiere Checks In New Guests As Mystery Is Washed Ashore – Deadline

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The Comedians

November 20, 2022 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | THEATRE, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS |

Her Majesty’s Theatre, Adelaide, 19 November 2022

Comedy is hard. Stand-up comedy is very hard, and should be left to stand-up comedians. Alas, Mick Molloy, Sam Pang and Marty Sheargold are stand-up comedians like Ricky Gervais is a stand-up comedian: getting by, but not demonstrating a core skill. These three are well known for their amusing work on TV (‘The Front Bar’, ‘Have You Been Paying Attention?,’ ‘Fisk’) and radio. They are all likeable and funny, but somehow, one didn’t take away anything particularly witty or memorable: it seemed a parody of what was promised to be “a night (in our case, an afternoon) of no-holds-barred, good old-fashioned stand-up comedy.” It was two-drink-minimum comedy; unfortunately, The Varnished Culture could not get anywhere near the hopelessly understaffed and overcrowded bar before the show. The one professional, Lawrence Mooney, had the smoothest routine, though his material seemed a little frozen in the 1980s/90s. It is his personal tragedy (though our collective luck) that Malcolm Turnbull is no longer of relevance: his impersonation of that cocktail-party joke was one for the ages, but there’s no place for it now.

Which is not to say the show was a washout: there were laugh-out loud moments from all four players –

Molloy rubbed the crowd’s noses in the defeat of the Adelaide Crows in the 2017 Grand Final (P enjoyed this particularly, Richmond being his preferred VFL team) and recounted how after the game the pubs were so full that crowds of Tiger fans established a local drive-through as an actual venue, buying and consuming grog and chanting “We’re From Liquorland“;

Sam Pang riffed on the Asian Thing, which he does very well – we liked his golf round with aged club member ‘Herb’ who thought he may have been a Japanese soldier – Pang’s recurrent loathing of Anh Do was a highlight, and his idea for a re-make of “Diff’rent Strokes,” involving people who had actually suffered different strokes, was funny in a mean way;

Marty Sheargold was the best of the first three – he has a good grumpy-old-man act, and the story about his Dad chasing Sheargold’s brother around the kitchen table, after the lad cut out a picture for a school essay from the family’s treasured World Book Encyclopedia, was splendid enough to evoke memories of Carl Barron’s act;

Lawrence Mooney’s stuff comes and goes, but he is seamless and quick, so that hits cover misses. His venerable review, of why more wives don’t murder more husbands, was richly enlivened by the one about her as designated driver having roundabouts explained, and revving the car while drunken hubby, en route to open the garage door at home, risks mortal injury dancing in front of the headlights – shades of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

– but the Rat Pack they ain’t.

File:Cal-Neva Casino, NV, Lake Tahoe, The Rat Pack 9-2010 (5782322671).jpg

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Bridge of Dreams

October 28, 2022 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | Classical Music, MUSIC, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS |

OzAsia Festival, Adelaide, 27 October 2022

It may be time to revisit Kipling’s dictum: “East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.” “Bridge of Dreams” is an unlikely but pretty impressive combination of Hindustani music and big band progressive jazz.

At Her Majesty’s Theatre in Adelaide, Saxophonist, composer, and improviser Sandy Evans collaborated with tabla (a pair of twin hand drums from the Indian subcontinent, since the 18th century the principal percussion instrument in Hindustani classical music) players Aneesh Pradhan and Bobby Singh, singer Shubha Mudgal, harmonium player Sudhir Nayak, and the Sirens Big Band, an all-female jazz ensemble featuring a brass section that would be the envy of the Hunters and Collectors or Chicago.

The performance started (after the tedious welcome to country and assertion of first “nations” sovereignty) with a chant to Mother Earth (or Gaia). Mudgal, though miked, has a strong voice and sat centre stage, a perfect choice for a North-Indian staging of The Ring (as Erda, of course). The tabla players, harmonium, double-bass and piano were stage left; drums and percussion centre-rear; the jazz ensemble to the right, with Evans on various instruments (including impressive clarinet work) taking the traditional conductor’s space and role. The performers were impeccable – the pieces combined the traditional Indian homages to imagination that can be traced a myriad years back to the Dravidian peoples, with the meandering tendencies of traditional jazz that wend their way in the style of the late Scratchy Impasto. TVC, not having any surtitles and lumbered with something of a tin ear, thought at times the repetition gave off the sense that ‘Slaughter on 10th Avenue’ had been stirred in with ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum,’ but still, and seriously, the pieces showed clear virtuosity and were quite impressive.

For TVC, the highlights were Deepening of the Red Sun, from a text by the mystic poet Kabir, a mystical jazz fusion that built slowly, almost ponderously (like a Peter Gabriel song), but which was profound for all that – another piece that featured percussion (including via piano) seeming like the beating of a heart, a great piano solo and with Mudgal almost venturing into skat – the last piece before intermission, “Joyous Rain,” a virtual rocker in which the trombone section got to shine (ignoring Wagner’s joke about not looking at the trombonists, as it only encourages them) – a boppy Bollywood-inspired number reminiscent of feature music from “The Birdcage” – “Tabla Spiral,” where Pradhan and Singh ‘spoke’ to each other both through their instruments and song – and “Arms of Imagination” that blared as brightly as Benny Goodman’s band on steroids. The synergy between eastern and western styles and instruments was a revelation, and the players’ enthusiasm was infectious. A standing ovation at close.

Your correspondent pleads ignorance of most things Indian. Yes, he doesn’t like cricket – he loves it. He is reading Midnight’s Children. His nephew lived in a Monastery in Sera for several years. He thinks Māru-Gurjara architecture comprise some of the greatest built-art in the world. But he can’t speak Hindustani and is not well acquainted with the subcontinent’s thought and culture. Which is why festivals such as OzAsia are so important: they help to build a bridge between you and that which is not you, and so pass from ignorance to appreciation and understanding.

As Kipling might conclude: “They have looked each other between the eyes, and there they found no fault.”

File:Kabir Sahib Ji.jpg

Kabir Sahib

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Moonage Daydream

September 30, 2022 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | Documentary, FILM, Modern Music, MUSIC, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS |

(Written and directed by Brett Morgen) (2022)

The great David Bowie died in 2016. He’d have liked this ‘documentary,’ we suspect, because like him, it is sui generis, an assault on the eyes, ears, and (pace his philosophical meanderings) the mind, that satisfies for almost all of its 2 hours and 15 minutes. With a mountain of footage and full estate authorisation, Morgen has lovingly assembled a vibrant, moving monument to the peripatetic searcher and androgynous transformer who was Starman, Ziggy Stardust, Cracked Actor, DJ, the Man Who Sold the World, the Space Oddity, a Young American, a Hero, and more – a shape shifter who went from ashes to ashes.

Inevitably, there are slight repetitions and more substantially, challenging excisions in the film, but really, so what? The editing is superb, there are no annoying intrusions, and Bowie himself, changing over the course of the piece from not only a deliberate strategy, but by inevitable age and experience, is fascinating as always.  And remember, they’re not bisexual shoes, “they’re shoe shoes, silly!”

Documentário com imagens inéditas de David Bowie ganha 1º trailer

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The Great Degeneration

(How Institutions Decay and Economies Die) (Niall Ferguson, 2014)

This compendium of Reith Lectures by historian Niall Ferguson given in 2012 is no less topical a decade later. In fact it is a fortiori, given that the subsequent years have borne out many of the predictions made. For example, the author quotes ‘cliometrician’ Peter Turchin predicting “the next instability peak [of violence] should occur in the United States around 2020.”

File:George Floyd police brutality protests - Portland Oregon - July 22 - tedder - 02.jpg

Orwell’s pigs have taken over Manor Farm: “What Charles Murray has called the ‘cognitive elite’, educated at exclusive private universities, intermarried and congregated in a few ‘super zip codes’, looks increasingly like a new caste, equipped with the wealth and power to override the effects of mean reversion in human reproduction, so that even their dimmer progeny inherit their lifestyle.”  This ruling elite, pretending to be left or right, is in fact either. Rather, its members are nihilistic opportunists, more-or-less unaccountable, incapable of, and unwilling to try, improving the lives of their untermensch.

File:Davos Klosters (Ank Kumar) 19.jpg

Regeneration will not come from that quarter.  Ferguson knows this, and more impressively, proves this in his excellent little book. Instead, he revives the fine old idea of reclaiming those timeworn institutions that have stood western civilisation in good stead prior to their impregnation by Marxist fruit flies. Davos man has had the benefit of two real time studies of the stationary state: “Essentially, we took two peoples – the Koreans and the Germans – and divided them in two. South Koreans and West Germans got capitalist institutions; North Koreans and East Germans got communist ones. The divergence that occurred in the space of just a few decades was enormous.” Yet the elites like aspects of the latter because they like command and control and they like limited access.  Which is why Gramsci and Dutschke et al have subverted the institutions that were constructed during a more enlightened and optimistic epoch: Parliamentary Democracy existing vis-à-vis the people in a social partnership; free markets, free and enforceable bargains and the rule of law (not the ‘rule of lawyers‘); sensible, non-oppressive and non-explosive regulation; a wisely apprehensive central bank that takes away the punchbowl before the party gets out of control; and “civil society” being organic groups of citizens forming to solve their own problems without recourse to ces princes qui nous gouvernent.  We can all see how these monuments have corroded.

Ferguson asks: “So what exactly is going on? …narrowly economic explanations that focus on the impact of financial forces (‘de-leveraging’), international integration (‘globalization’), the role of information technology (‘off-shoring’ and ‘outsourcing’) or fiscal policy (‘stimulus’ versus ‘austerity’) do not offer sufficient explanations. We need to delve into the history of institutions.” 

And he concludes with a take on President Obama’s second inauguration speech, when he venerated big government as the answer (a la Hillary Clinton’s “It takes a village to raise a child”) and comments: “It is bad enough to see state capitalism touted as an economic model by the Chinese Communist Party. But to hear it deployed by the President of the United States as a rhetorical trope nearly devoid of practical content for the glad, confident morning of 1989 – when it really seemed the West had won, and a great regeneration had begun.”

We have spoken at some length about this topic, from the decay in the arts, sciences and academia, in its various branches and streams of thought.  And again. We have bewailed the diminution of freedom, here, there, up, under, north, south, east, far east and west.  We’ve talked about polarization. It is gratifying therefore to find someone who can coolly appraise a problem and identify what must needs fixing. Rather than bang on (as TVC has) about the pretty pass to which we’ve come, let’s look at our hallowed institutions, as Ferguson suggests, and start trying to fix them. But you’d better bring rubber gloves and use a strong disinfectant, because it won’t be easy and there’s at least five decades’ worth of sabotage to correct.

File:Niall Ferguson - Chatham House 2011.jpg

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Straight Line Crazy

September 18, 2022 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | THEATRE, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS |

Written by David Hare / Directed by Nicholas Hytner – Bridge Theatre, London, 17 September, 2022

Breaking news: Fat Book inspires Thin Play. Robert Caro’s monumental work about Robert Moses, reviewed by us in March, gave us a character of Shakespearian complexity. Alas, David Hare is not Shakespeare. Not even close. In his play he cherry-picks two episodes in the powerful public servant’s hectic agenda: an expressway cutting a line through estates of the leisured and treasured on Long Island (Moses is depicted having a slanging match with Henry Vanderbilt). The First Act, declamatory, expository, and facile, shows Ralph Fiennes, a fine actor (Moses), Guy Paul (Vanderbilt) and Danny Webb (Governor Al Smith) revivifying the old saw about dramatic theatre – “Shouting at Night.”

Having shown Moses stand up for the little man, Act Two propels antagonists into view to show his burgeoning corruption, dislike of ‘the lesser races’ and women in general (including oddly, according to Hare, his first wife).  The antagonists are architectural journalist and writer Jane Jacobs (a real person, played quite well by Helen Schlesinger) and a made-up plot device, Finnuala Connell (Siobhán Cullen), whose role is to tut-tut like the Irish lass in Touched by an Angel. Jacobs, who doesn’t even make it into Caro’s thousand pages, was a key driver of the Committee to Save Washington Square Park – one of Moses’ few early defeats. And Ms. Connell, a planner and general factotum, joins with fervour in the speech-making on plentiful offer. The conclusion telescopes undeveloped ideas and finishes with a jolt – or rather, a thud. A disappointing piece.

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“This never happened to the other fellow”

September 16, 2022 | Posted by Guest Reviewer | FILM, Modern Music, MUSIC, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS |

The Music of James Bond with George Lazenby

By Guest Reviewer David Ross

My parents used to receive coarse brown envelopes in the mail bearing the enigmatic label ‘OHMS’, but invariably containing something disappointing (most often a bill). How much more exciting to be On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, as George Lazenby was in 1969. Conductor, Nicholas Buc, took a scaled-back ASO through a selection of Bond themes in chronological order from the instantly recognisable theme written by Monty Norman for the 1962 release of Dr. No to the latest outing of 007, No Time to Die. Breaking up the musical programme were two short interviews with the only Australian Bond.

The decision to present the music in chronological order may have been a mistake. Perhaps I am showing my own age, but it’s hard to see how anything can creditably follow Shirley Bassey’s two Bond themes: Diamonds are Forever, and Goldfinger. Luke Kennedy and Bonnie Anderson were the soloists and both gave enjoyable performances. Anderson gave solid performances of themes originally sung by Bassey and Tina Turner, but then blotted her copybook by nominating Skyfall as her favourite Bond theme. Kennedy’s spinning and tossing of the microphone was unnecessarily distracting, and I found his switch from tenor to falsetto in one of the newer Bond themes rather abrupt. The show finished with an encore in which it was apparent that Louis Armstrong’s We Have All the Time in the World was not well suited to Kennedy’s voice. The ASO seemed to enjoy the change of repertoire and put in a solid performance.

Lazenby, now 83 years old, was the star attraction. It is remarkable that a man could draw a crowd simply because of a few months’ work done more than half a century ago. Surely this is testament to the enduring success of a movie franchise that is far greater than the sum of its parts. Half of the audience was not yet born in 1969 when Lazenby’s Bond hit the screen. Perhaps a peculiar sort of patriotism drives us to show our support for the little Aussie battler who won the prize of being Bond. And surely many of us hoped to hear a few salacious details, in which regard Lazenby was only too happy to oblige: not since Don Giovanni did a man catalogue his sexual conquests with such relish. Like Austin Powers (a back-handed tribute to Bond), Lazenby is a man who has failed to move with the times. Perhaps this is part of Lazenby’s stage persona, but Austin Powers (The Spy Who Shagged Me) may have borrowed more than the jabot from Lazenby’s Bond. Lazenby was wearing a dinner suit for the evening, but the tie was missing, and any vestige of formality was dispelled by what appeared to be a comfy pair of slippers. He cut a rather tragic figure, more Sir Les Patterson than Commander James Bond, but there were moments when we glimpsed the wit and audacity that enabled a car salesman with no acting experience to land one of the most prized parts in cinema.

Perhaps Lazenby never took the job seriously, and the attitude that won him the role was in the end also why he made only one film. Ian Fleming’s character, on the other hand, has moved with the times and had enduring appeal, as has the music that is an integral part of the Bond formula.

James Bond: 12(!) actors, and 27 movies in 59 years

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The Contrarian

(Peter Thiel and Silicon Valley’s Pursuit of Power) (by Max Chafkin, 2021)

After reading this entertaining, rather facile book, Peter Thiel remains, at least to us, “a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.”  For a contrarian, he often went with the flow. He had at times a gift for successfully betting the other way, such as his heroic support of Mr. Trump in 2016. For someone who has acquired substantial wealth and significant power, he seems to unsure what to do with them. An introvert who craves attention, a control freak who at times throws caution to the winds, his best instincts appear to stem from an early religious, conservative background, attenuated by Californian mores, wealth and notoriety. The author damns Thiel less by the man, whom he briefly interviewed, off the record, than by his association with the conservatives and Trumpists he detests.

“a very special guy”…the Donald and friend

Nevertheless, to a tech or investment neophyte, this is an interesting account of a narrow but intense slice of modern America, explaining in part (and not necessarily by design) why things are going off the rails in that troubled nation. Any assessment of the pursuit of power, an often opaque process, and of notable figures who stray into the political field, is well nigh impossible in this polarised age.  And the erect rat that is homo sapiens is a mass of contradictions, which is not necessarily a bad thing: as the divine Oscar said, “Consistency is the hallmark of the unimaginative.” Yet the author, to his credit, struggles gamely to set aside his own prejudices and give us the man in full. Unfortunately, he fails.

The Contrarian: Peter Thiel and Silicon Valley's Pursuit of Power by Max Chafkin (9781526619563) - PaperBack - Biographies Business

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An Unfamiliar Ring

August 3, 2022 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | Classical Music, MUSIC, THUMBNAIL REVIEWS, WAGNER |

Spellbound: “The Ring Without Words” (inter alia) Adelaide Town Hall, Friday night, 29 July 2022

We had previously had a taste of this courtesy of the ASO and Richard Wagner Society of SA.  And we had been somewhat skeptical about the idea of synthesizing Wagner’s immense cycle, sans the singing: would it be, as some have said of the piece, akin to setting your car radio on ‘scan’ and listening to grabs of melody as they hurtled past? But before this, we had to endure several rather mediocre (in my view) Richard Strauss songs, even though they were expertly presented by the ASO under the baton of Nicholas Braithwaite and sung prettily by the lovely Nicole Car.

Then to the main event. One supposes that one person’s ‘synthesis’ is another’s ‘mash-up’ but we admit that despite reservations, the work was neat, virtually seamless, and very satisfying if you can’t have the whole enchilada. The ASO and Nicholas Braithwaite have done Adelaide a fine favour in providing Wagnerites some spiritual sustenance in these dark times,

Before the show

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This Is Spinal Tap

(Directed by Rob Reiner, 1984) (Special Screening at the Mercury Theatre featuring a Q & A with Harry Shearer, Adelaide Guitar Festival, 22 July 2022).

Spinal Tap are the blond rock god David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean, who you already know well from Better Call Saul and other offerings), the bass player Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) and Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest), who longs for St. Hubbins with big wet spaniel eyes. When Nigel learns that David’s girlfriend Jeanine Pettibone (June Chadwick aping Yoko Ono) is flying over from England to join the tour, his heart sinks. His crush on David is obvious to everyone except, of course, David. The two front men get most of the glory, while the drummer Mick Shrimpton (R.J. Parnell) supplies percussion on borrowed time: Previous Spinal Tap drummers have had an alarming mortality rate. One spontaneously combusted, and another choked to death on vomit (“but not his own vomit”). As Smalls observes, “You can’t really dust for vomit.”

Support for the band on their U.S. tour is patchy, causing their manager Ian Faith (Tony Hendra, a slightly less competent and more volatile version of Michael Kitchen’s character in Brian Pern: A Life in Rock) to release tension at crucial moments by smashing TV sets with his trusty cricket bat. Bobby Flekman (Fran Drescher) is a record company publicist trying to explain without really explaining why the band’s new album, “Smell the Glove,” is not in stores. Artie Fufkin, the advance man, fails to provide a single fan for an autographing. The upbeat Lt. Hookstratten (Fred Willard), is in charge of their last U.S. concert, an officers’ dance in the airplane hanger of a military base (the crowd is expecting 60/40; they get heavy metal cranked up to 11). We learn that Tap bandmembers are not stupider than most rock ‘n’ rollers, although most of the latter – unlike Nigel – know how to prepare a sandwich.

“look, there’s a little problem
with the… look this, this miniature bread. It’s like…
I’ve been working with this now for about half an hour.”

Rob Reiner is an inspired filmmaker, and here he plays a less than inspired filmmaker, Marty Di Bergi, who can’t cross his arms properly, speak coherently to camera or touch any of Nigel’s guitars. Reiner has brilliantly distilled the overblown muddle of ‘rocumentaries’: for example, the disintegration of the tour is explained offhandedly, in asides (after the Boston concert is canceled: “It isn’t a college town”).  But he has also captured the joy of the life, and the improvisation by the cast adds to an authentic air of amateurish spontaneity. The three main band members are sensational, and a hefty cast of characters in support make this film richly entertaining, both funny and funny-sad (just like rock and / or roll).

Double Bass

Derek Smalls

The Road of Rock is a rocky road, and no one’s life exemplifies that more thoroughly than that of Derek Albion Smalls who celebrates his 75th birthday with a hoped-to-be triumphant return to at least one of the echelons of the rock firmament.  Derek was born 1 April 1941, having to endure growing up as an “April Fool’s baby”. His father, Donald “Duff” Smalls, raised Derek after his mother, Dorothy, left home to join a traveling all-girls’ jazz band, The Hotten Totties. While Derek had a quiet school career in his hometown of Nilford, on the River Null in the West Midlands, Duff carried on his work as a telephone handset sanitiser, working for the pioneering firm in the trade, Sani-Phone, until it was absorbed by the former British Telecom, primarily, according to reports at the time, for its “robust bill-collecting operation”.

At age 17, Derek enrolled in the London School of Design, primarily, as he later explained it, “because of the initials”. Like many art-school students of the period, he was more interested in music, and soon found himself a member of the all-white Jamaican band Skaface. “I never even tried to play the guitar, because it had too many strings and they were too small. Bass felt just right,” he told Ska News.

Walking one day in 1967 through the then tatty Soho district of London, Derek spotted a “bass player wanted” notice on one of the neighbourhood’s lampposts. It turns out Ronnie Pudding had just left the band Spinal Tap for a solo career when their first single, “Gimme Some Money” failed to chart. Derek fitted right in and made a notable contribution to the band’s jump on the Flower Power bandwagon, mouthing a silent “We love you” at the end of its performance of (Listen to) The Flower People on the short lived TV music show, Bob’s Your Uncle.

Tap then went on to carve a reputation as one of England’s loudest bands. Its series of mishaps—breakups and reunions, drummers perishing in bizarre ways—was chronicled in a 1984 film. “A hatchet job”, Derek calls it dismissively. “There were plenty of nights when we found our way to the stage, but of course they didn’t show you that.” In the late 1980s, as Tap’s fortunes waned, Derek joined a Christian heavy-metal band, Lambsblood.
Their best-known song, Whole Lotta Lord, made a respectable showing on the Christian charts. To cement his relationship with the band members, all of whom were Americans, Smalls got a Christian fish tattoo.

As luck would have it, Tap soon reunited for the 1992 Break Like the Wind album and toured across America. Concerned that he would have to cover up the tattoo, Derek hired an artist to fix it, and the piece now featured a devil eating the fish. Following that tour, Tap broke up and reunited twice more, once in 2000 for an American tour that included a historic New York venue that Derek described, onstage, as “Carnegie Fuckin Hall” and in
2009 for appearances at the Glastonbury Festival and Wembley Arena. In between, Derek cultivated a near-thriving career on camera, building upon his cameo role in the 1979 Spaghetti Eastern – Roma ’79. He appeared in TV commercials for the Belgian snack food Floop and served for a time as a judge (alongside the lead singer for the Europunk band Hot Garage) on the Dutch reality-competition show RokStarz, before the show was rebooted as Tomorrow’s Hiphop Heroez.

Derek stepped forward as a composer during this time; his jingle for Floop, I’m in the Floop Group, was a regular earworm on European television until the publisher of The In Crowd threatened a plagiarism
lawsuit. Derek’s fortunes have fluctuated with his romantic entanglements. His long-time girlfriend Cindy Stang went through a good share of his back royalties to launch her ill- fated tech start-up, Of
that project, Smalls now says ruefully, “It was ahead of its time. Or behind the curve. Or both”. He’s also had his share of personal struggles, having twice sought treatment for internet addiction. Smalls’ return to music, and composing, came courtesy of a grant from the British Fund for Ageing Rockers. As he prepares to re-enter the spotlight for the first time, Derek tips his hat to the government grantors: “At least austerity was good for something,” he says.

Mr. Harry Shearer is a versatile and kindly man. He waved away the chance of a 16 hour flight from California to Adelaide to appear at the Festival (this and other events) as his wife had contracted Covid, and he wanted to stay at home and care for her. He also undertook to rise at about 4 in the morning to appear on Skype and field questions from an appreciative audience. The Varnished Culture suppressed its inner smart-alec and decided not to ask Mr. Shearer about Teddy Bears’ Picnic (2002) and instead asked who was his favourite bass player. Actually we asked who was his favourite left-handed megalomaniac bass player but we think that was lost in transmission. We leave it to you to decide: the answer was Paul McCartney. Shearer has done it all, and is surely now as deservedly well-known by face as well as voice.

[*Thanks to the Adelaide Guitar Festival for some of the copy above.] Continue Reading →

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