Eternity (dir. David Freyne – 2025)

This TVC reviewer avoids weepies because they are for weak girls and, if she does accidentally watch one, will sit with defiantly non-running mascara whilst yawning at the tear-jerky bits.  Unfortunately, one or two weepies have snuck their way through her defences (when Beth dies in Gillian Armstrong’s 1994 Little Women) and when Eddie Scissorhands goes up his mountain to make snow. What is it about Winona Ryder?). Films about the afterlife and memory can be strangely compelling (Heaven Can Wait, The Lovely Bones, Memento, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) or ghastly like the schmaltz we haven’t watched, so it was with some trepidation that we went to see “Eternity”. Elizabeth Olsen, an affecting and compelling actor, nothing like her lizard twin sisters, was a drawcard. Do watch her with Jesse Plemons in Love & Death on HBO.

Joan (Olsen) has to choose the metaphysical ‘world’ of her eternity and the man with whom she will spend it (technically, she can choose neither of the husbands who pre-deceased her, but then there would be no movie).  Said husbands are strangely unattractive in every way, despite the first, Luke (Callum Turner) being touted as some sort of gorgeous derring-do flyboy who died in a war (which war? That’s important) and the second, Larry (Miles Teller) having been a devoted husband of decades.

Upon death a soul arrives by train at one of the immense sorting terminals in which they will stay while deciding on their eternal future. Conveniently, the souls appear in the form in which they were most happy when alive.  (Which does make one wonder why so many are in hospital gowns and no-one appears to be disabled). At the terminal, the recently deceased is met by an Afterlife Consultant (who is usually tardy, if not to say late). The apparently infinite worlds from which an unalive one can choose are amusing – Beach World, Studio 54 World (sans Aids), Man Free World, Craft Beer World, Workout World, even Weimar World (a version of Weimar Germany “now with 100% less Nazis”) for example.  Some of them are full, some are closed because they are no longer pc or fashionable (Marxist World).

The choice of a world is strictly final and non-refundable, although there are escapees, such as the runner who shouts as he is arrested that Museum World was a bad choice and he never wants to have to look at another work of art. If a deadster takes more than a week to decide, they must leave their reasonably cosy hotel room, go to ‘live’ in a basement bedsit and work in the terminal.  (Which begs the question, who does all the work in the worlds, which look pretty lifelike). Joan can’t decide, both of the husbands want to go to infinity with her and hilarity ensues. Well, more like confusion, although it is funny and there are weepy moments which got this reviewer, despite herself. Da’Vine Randolph and John Early play an unlikely and amusing couple who act as Afterlife Counsellors. Each champions a different husband, using methods that are not always sublime.

“Eternity” is slow to start and overlong but good for all that.  I just don’t like the way one of the husbands couldn’t wait, at first…although he did redeem himself…I cried.  A little bit.