5 Things that Ordinary People say on the TV News

April 18, 2017 | Posted by Lesley Jakobsen | LIFE | 5 Comments |

Something has happened in your street.  The reporter has the microphone in your face.  You know what to say when –

  1. A pit full of human bones has been uncovered in your neighbour’s basement  – “He was friendly and kept to himself”,
  2. A car has ploughed into your front room.  No-one has been hurt – “There were children playing just here, only three weeks ago”.
  3. A meth-lab has blown up, a service station has been robbed, or – well, anything – “First I heard a loud bang”,
  4. There’s been a collision – “First I heard a loud bang. We’ve been telling them about that corner for years”, and
  5. A surfer has been eaten by a shark, a sky-diver has merged with the ground, or a lumberjack has fallen into the mincer – “He died doing what he loved” (He loved screaming and bleeding?)

Additions welcome!


  1. Reply

    Smug of Glebe

    April 19, 2017

    For anyone over 60, when asked about the link between youth unemployment and crime, say "Put them in the Army."

  2. Reply

    Aron Hardt

    April 20, 2017


  3. Reply

    Richie Ho

    April 20, 2017

    You smile politely, nod agreeably and say in an even, sunny tone - "Exterminate them. Exterminate them all. All the sub-human scum." Say this, whatever the question is. Then kiss the reporter full on the lips.

  4. Reply

    Angie Ryder

    April 21, 2017

    Whatever disaster you're commenting on, say it with a Big Grin! "Chick-chick,Boom!" :)

  5. Reply


    April 27, 2017

    Cooking Competitions on TV: "I just want this to be perfect!"

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