Don’t Juice Jussie!

The tribulations of Jussie Smollett (Dec. 21) or Faux Victimhood as Heroism

(With apologies to Robert Southwell)

As he in hoary winter’s night stood shivering in the snow,

Surprised he was with sudden heat which which made his heart to glow,

And lifting up a fearful eye to view what men came near,

Two white supremacists in MAGA hats did then appear;

Who, armed with bleach and bearing noose, caused floods of tears to shed

As though his floods should quench the flames which with his tears were fed.

“Alas,” quoth he, “my Subway sandwich now in snowdrift lies,

Though but a scratch my soul is bruised, ears full of “Empire” cries!”

Awoke Chicago scandalized by Trumpist myrmidons,

Alack! City police were not among the simpletons;

The fuel justice layeth on, and healthy skeptics blow the coals,

And Smollett had his victim script, the choicest of all roles.

But somehow in testifying Jussie botched the tone,

And he compromised himself with content on his phone.

His tale and calling vanished out of sight and shrunk away,

Vanity and narcissism all in disarray.

Today's Hoax: The Screaming Google Employee | On the Media | WNYC Studios


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