Lovely Spam, Wonderful Spam

June 3, 2015 | Posted by Peter Jakobsen | Ulalume | 2 Comments |

I recently received two emails.  The first was a pleasant surprise, concerning a slightly unorthodox dealing with an intestate estate:

Please accept my apology.  I am a personal account manager to one of our foreign late customer.  It is my interest to contact you in respect of this our client who opened a draft account in my bank.  It is with good spirit of heart I opened up this great opportunity to you….After his untimely demise, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address, but got no reply.  He died without making any WILL. His draft account opened in my bank before his unfortunate death is Twenty Eight Million Five Hundred and Twenty Six Thousand Two Hundred Dollars only.  I want to present you as the beneficiary of the deceased.  I will use my position and influence in our bank to make sure they release this money to you for our mutual sharing.  If I wait for days and did not hear from you, I shall look for another person.  Kindly get back to me for more details.”      [sic erat scriptum]


(Italian Wikipedia)

Another email excited us, with details about the suitcase stuffed with cash:

“Today we have discovered an abandoned metal suitcase with reg code#___________…This suitcase is a metal box when scanned by a forensic scanner was revealed to contain 100 dollars bills valued $2,316,000USD (Two Million, Three Hundred and Sixteen thousand United States dollars) which has been under Security survaell ance for a number of days now….Note, The Funds which belongs to you was initially scheduled for delivery to your residense, The Diplomat who arrived with the Consignment made several attempts to reach you all efforts proved abortive so he decided to leave for his country but before he left he settled the delivery charges and left the Storage Keeping Charges unpaid due to the reasons that he did not know when you will attempt to claim the consignment….You are therefore advised to make contact with….(etc)….God Bless The United States of America.”      [sic erat scriptum]

TVC has rarely encountered such helpful and generous bank staff, diplomats or customs officials.  However, we freely offer this advice to Planet Spam: Learn how to write English coherently (perhaps skim this website!) and then use your newly acquired skills for global improvement rather than global fraud.

By the way, I have been treated to more email spam (printed as written). There was an invitation to join a lucrative partnership investment:

Hello, Friend

My name is Dr Richard Fox, I am working with the Dana Petroleum Plc, with my colleague. We are looking for a prospective business partner in your country, with good investment project plans (Eg Real Estate, Construction, Engineering, Energy, Trading or any other lucrative business ventures). This has relatively made us very busy as we are supervising the oil field contracts, and also supervising some of the oil exploration contracts at the North Sea. In the events of these, we got involved in a crude oil supply deal which promised huge returns, and you are Invited to an Investment in partnership with US worth of Mutual Interest of  $57Million US Dollars. We need to know if you will be able to handle a business transaction involving such huge amount of funds, after which we will go into details to explain the simple details of realizing the objectives without delay. We await for your immediate response as soon as you confirm this mail.

And the encouragement to cop some portion of a big compensation payout (for what, we don’t know):


I am Mrs. Marina Luda, I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside here in Florida USA.My residential address is as follows, 7008 E Hwy 326 Silver Springs FLorida 34488 United States,am thinking of relocating since I am now rich. I am one of those that took part in the compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $85,000 while in the US,trying to get my payment all to no avail. So I decided to travel to Washington with all my compensation documents, And I was directed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation Director to contact Barrister Tony Gani, who is a representative of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and a member of the Compensation Award Committee, currently in Nigeria and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.

He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my compensation payment. Right now I am the most happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds of $10.5 Million US Dollars,Moreover,Barrister Tony Gani showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email as one of the beneficiaries on the list he showed me, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Barrister Tony Gani. Kinldy send your personal details to him to prove your identification.

Or the welcome news that our ticket in the Turk International Lottery had won!  We didn’t remember buying a ticket but I’m sure we’ll recall it as soon as we supply our private banking passwords to the organizers…


This is to inform you on the release of the  Turk International Lottery Promotion Program  held on the 17th of  December, 2014. Due to mix up of some numbers, name and email, the results were released on the 17th of January, 2015. Your name attached to ticket number M201463544-PL with serial number 201-099 drew the lucky numbers of  14-12-17-86  which consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of €1,500,000.00 in cash credited to  Ref no: EU/8858150059/15, Batch no: 8450/90/PKR . This is from a total cash prize Shared among the international winners in this category. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

Your fund is now deposited with a Finance Firm and insured in your name. Due to mix up of some numbers and names , we ask that you keep this award from public notice until your claim has been processed and money remitted to your account as this is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unwarranted taking advantage of this program by participants.  All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 25,000 names from Asia, Australia, Africa, Europe, South America and North America as part of our International promotions program which we conduct once every year, to promote tourism. We h ope your lucky name will draw a bigger cash prize in the next year’s program.

To begin your lottery claim, please contact your claims agent  Mr. Ryan Gibbs on Email address: for the processing and  remittance of your winning prize money to a designation of your choice.  Remember, all price money must be claimed not later than, 30th of July, 2015. After this date, all funds will be returned to the Euro Million Lottery Intl as unclaimed. In order to avoid unnecessary delay and complication, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every correspondence with us or your agent. Furthermore, should there be any change of your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once again from all our members of staff and thank you for being a part of our International promotions program.

Sincerely, Mrs. Lisa  Sinem Serena VICE PRESIDENT


It was moving to receive this kind word from the Nelson Mandela Fundraising Organization:

Dear Sir/Madam,

First I will like you to know that these funds can be transferred to your bank account only if you will work with me in truth and honesty.

I am MS ROSEMARY SCHWATZ , the director of the NELSON MANDELA FUNDRAISING ORGANIZATION. This organization personally belongs to MR. NELSON MANDELA Unfortunately Mr. Nelson Mandela passed away recently leaving me in control of the charity organization and all the funds raised under this organization. You can view the link to read about Nelson Mandela’s death. After the death of Mr. Mandela, the government of South Africa is trying to probe into the funds that were raised for the organization through instigation of one of Nelson Mandela grand son Mandla who is currently a member of the parliament and who has requested for the organization to declare the funds to the Mandela family. I know their move and aim is to get hold of the organization funds and then dissolve the management just for their selfish interests.

The total fund is US$ 25, 000.000.00 {TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS}. Five Million was a Cash donation made to the organization by one of Nelson Mandela close associate and this money was deposited separately in a security trunk box with the bank. I am the only one in control of these funds at the moment and I have contacted you to request if you can be able to work with me so we can move $5,000.000.00 { FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS } of the total amount to your account in your country before releasing the rest to the Mandela family. I have made plans with the auditor who handles our ledger book and he is standing by to work with me to achieve this deal.

Please note that there is no danger involved in this deal and I can guarantee you that the funds will be transferred to your bank account without any problem but the only thing I demand from you is your honesty. I truly understand that there are lots of things going on over the internet, some dishonest individuals uses the internet to do some illegal things but please don’t take this email as one of those because I can assure you that everything you have read on this email is 100% truth and you will see more proves as we proceed.

Also note that this deal has to be kept highly confidential to avoid leakage of information to the Mandela family. If you are not comfortable with this deal, be kind enough to delete this message and keep all you have read to yourself alone but if you are interested please send me an email and I will respond back to you with more details of how the funds will be transferred to your bank account. After successful transfer of funds to your account, We shall share 50 percent to you and 50 percent will be for me and remember I will be taking care of the auditor from my side.

Thank for your time.


We did consider this proposition interesting but even with heavy investments in wine and art, we just wouldn’t know what to do with all that cash:

My Consultation: I am a Certified Financial Advisor (CFA) resident in the Republic of Ghana. Per my client’s mandate, I am seeking your consent to stand as my client’s Foreign Partner that has the full capacity to receive the sum of US$82million and thereafter to invest 65% of the US$82million on behalf of my client in accordance to our agreed terms and conditions.  I therefore write with due respect on the above subject matter for your consideration and approval. Nevertheless, your Commission will be 35% of the US$82million should you consider this proposition interesting.

Yours Very Truly, Robert Philips, CFA

'Have I got a deal for you...' (the artful dodger introduces Oliver to Fagin - by Cruikshank)

‘Have I got a deal for you…’ (the artful dodger introduces Oliver to Fagin – by Cruikshank)

It was humbling to know that the U.N. and the FBI are looking after our interests, even interests we didn’t know we had:


ATTN: Beneficiary, Hope all is well with you and Your family?, you may not understand why this mail came to you. In regards to the recent meeting between the United Nations and the Present United States Government to restore the dignity and Economy of the Nations,Base on the Agreement with the World Bank Assistance to help and make the world a better place for all with the sole aim of abolishing poverty. We have been having a meeting for the passed 7 months which ended 2 days ago.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to Foreigners and Compensate all that have lost their hard earned money to the Nigeria Fraudsters. This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS DEPARTMENT OF SAFETY AND SECURITY have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$8,500,000 ( Eight Million Five Hundred United State Dollars) This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to Government problems,Contracts Sum, Lottery/Gambling etc.Your name and email was in the list submitted by our Monitoring Teams of Economic and Financial Crime Commission (EFCC) and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) observers and this is why we are contacting you, this have been agreed upon and have been signed.

You are advised to contact Pastor Henry Green, as he is our representative in Nigeria contact him immediately for your CHEQUE worth the total sum of US$8,500,000 ( Eight Million Five Hundred United State Dollars) This funds are in DRAFT Form for security purpose ok? So he will send it to you via DHL courier company and you can clear the CHEQUE in any bank of your choice in your country. Contact Him immediately for your cheque Delivery with the following information. Full name: Phone and Fax number: Address where you want him to send the cheque(P.O Box not acceptable) Your age and current occupation :

Person to Contact: Pastor Henry Green (contact agent) Give him your File Reference (RE-1077-V) and you are free to contact him via telephone number, it will be better to call him and once you do that he will ask you of your File Reference number which is (RE-1077-V), this file reference number is very important and gives him access to get through to your file and email you back quickly once he confirms your email and your delivery details. Thanks for adhering to this instructions and once again accept our congratulations.

Good luck and kind regards,

Making the world a better place,

Mr. Ban Ki-Moon Secretary-General(UNITED NATIONS)

But a nice lady named Melinda has put matters in context for us….

Good Day,

I am Mrs.Melinda Suzanne Malovoz, a US citizen, Am 35 years old. I am one of those people that took part in receiving Inheritance funds and Lottery funds from European banks even from many lottery organizers,Atm card and Compensation funds etc few years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid different fees while in the United States trying to get my funds from those banks,ATM CARD And Compenation and lottery organizers but all to no avail. So I decided to travel to West Afrian (sic) Nigeria,  with all my compensation documents, and I was directed by the IMF Director to contact the reconciliator [REDACTED] who is also an attorney, A USA citizen and a member of the UNITED NATIONS & IMF COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE currently working with IMF in the WEST NIGERIA and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake. X personally directed me on how to claim my Inheritance or Lottery p

Right now I have received my compensation funds of $2,000.000.000 Moreover, X, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their Inheritance or Lottery payment and I saw your name as one of the beneficiaries, and your email address, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund, they are only making money out of you. I will personally advise you to contact Barrister X, he will assist you as he is a very religious man with the fear of God.  Compensation Award Office.

Listed below are the name of fraudsters and banks behind the non release of your funds that I managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.  [redacted]


  1. Full Name………………………
  2. Residential Address…………………
  3. Phone Number……………………….
  4. Fax Number………………………….
  5. Occupation……………………..
  6. Sex………………………….
  7. Age…………………………..
  8. Nationality…………………
  9. Country…………………………..

Please reconfirm the above address to avoid any wrong delivery of your fund s far.  You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing. The only money I paid after I met Barrister X was just $245 for the Endorsement Fee, take note of that.

Thank You and Be Blessed.

Mrs. Melinda Suzanne Malovoz

2507 Catalina Dr, Orlando,

Florida, 32805 United States


May be an image of 4 people and text that says 'I got an email explaining how to read maps backwards. Riker's Beard It was spam.'

But just when I despaired of moving to my inbox something found in spam, I received this welcome update as to the production we purchased short time ago:

We are extremely glad to advertise that we have happily produced an upgrading for the production that you purchased short time ago. We consider you are happy with our accommodations and products. However , it is of extreme magnitude to modernize the product periodically in order to support top performance of the same.

This is the first upgrading , so we’ve decided to make it totally buckshee for our users during this month. So don’t miss it ! Find out the attached , know more about new features and get it by connecting with our team. We provide 100 % user gratification with all our software , upgrades and services. All the best ,

CRD Soft Team

We would have clicked on the attachment designated ‘pamphlet’ to find out what “totally buckshee“* meant for users but courage failed…

*(Google suggests it means ‘free of charge’.  But bitter experience tells TVC there is no such thing as a buckshee lunch.)

No matter, the FBI was back, indicating it had taken out time in screening through this project:

We believe this notification meet you in a very good present state of mind and health. The Federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington, D.C in conjunction with some other relevant Investigations Agencies here in the United states of America have recently been informed through our Global intelligence monitoring network that you presently have a transaction going on with the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) as regard to your over-due contract payment which was fully endorsed in your favor accordingly. It might interest you to know that we have taken out time in screening through this project as stipulated on our protocol of operation and have finally confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful right to claim your fund without any further delay. Having said all this, we will further advise that you go ahead in dealing with the Central Bank office accordingly as we will be monitoring all their services with you as

In addition, also be informed that we recently had a meeting with the Executive Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria, in the person of Mr Godwin Emefiele and Mr. Paul Jones along with some of the top officials of the ministry regarding your case and they made us to understand that your file has been held in a base depending on when you personally come for the claim. They also told us that the only problem they are facing right now is that some unscrupulous element are using this project as an avenue to scam innocent people off their hard earned money by impersonating the Executive Governor and the Central Bank office.

We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs. Joan C.Bailey from OHIO has already contacted them and also presented to them all the necessary documentations evidencing your claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to the release of your contract fund valued at about US$18,000,000.00 (Eighteen million united states dollars),and as soon as i have received an immediate response from you do note that we shall begin with the process of the transfer of your funds to your mailing or address.

We was [sic] further informed that we should warn our dear citizens who must have been informed of the contract payment which was awarded to them from the Central Bank of Nigeria, to be very careful prior to this irregularities so that they don’t fall victim to this ugly circumstance. And should in case you are already dealing with anybody or office claiming to be from the Central Bank of Nigeria, you are further advised to STOP further contact with them in your best interest and then contact immediately the real office of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) only with the below information’s accordingly:


OFFICE ADDRESS: Central Bank of Nigeria, Central Business District, Cadastral Zone, Abuja, Federal.

Capital Territory, Nigeria.

NOTE: In your best interest, any message that doesn’t come from the above email address and phone number should not be replied to and should be disregarded accordingly for security reasons. Meanwhile, we will advise that you contact the Governor of the Central Bank immediately with the above email address and request that they attend to your payment file as directed, so as to enable you receive your contract fund accordingly. To this effect, you are required to reconfirm and authenticate your given particulars below for certainty and onward processing and release of you funds as we may not be held liable for any wrong payment.

FULL NAMES: __________________________________

CITY: _________________________

STATE: __________________________________

ZIP: ______________


SEX: _______________

AGE: __________________

TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________

Ensure you follow all their procedure as may be required by them as that will further help hasten up the whole procedures as regard to the transfer of your fund to you as designated. Also have in mind that the Central Bank of Nigeria equally have their own protocol of operation as stipulated on their banking terms, so delay could be very dangerous. Once again, we will advise that you contact them with the above email address and make sure you forward to them all the necessary information which they may require from you prior to the release of your fund to you accordingly. All modalities has already been worked out even before you were contacted and note that we will be monitoring all your dealings with them as you proceed so you don’t have anything to worry about.

All we require from you henceforth is an update so as to enable us be on track with you and the Central Bank of Nigeria. Without wasting much time,will want you to contact them immediately with the above email address so as to enable them attend to your case accordingly without any further delay as time is already running out. Should in case you need any more information’s in regard to this notification, feel free to get back to us on this email so that we can brief you more as we are here to guide you during and after this project has been completely perfected and you have received your contract fund as stated.

Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in advance as we earnestly await your urgent response to this matter.

Best Regards,

J___ B.C_____

Federal Bureau of Investigation.

  1. Edgar Hoover Building.

935 Pennsylvania Avenue,

NW Washington, D.C.

We do like comments on our site, although we reserve the right to edit.  But how do you edit this:

It is the best time to make a few plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve learn this publish and if I may I wish to recommend you few fascinating issues or suggestions. Perhaps you could write next articles relating to this article. I want to read more issues approximately it!

In April 2016, we received this unsolicited message (below).  We are glad that Katia found our email address so very convenient.  We can’t recall asking for pictures of Katia and we certainly would prefer not to open any attachments she might send us.  But through this post, I can assure Katia that we don’t want any intimate ‘pics’, we are not looking for friendship, and though we too like travelling, we would rather not meet Katia in any Australian city.  We expect ‘Katia’ is an entrepreneurial fellow from Nigeria or lower Moldova, and we can take him or leave him, as we please…

Hi, how are you?

Sorry, it took me so long to reply your message but I am not often on meetic. I have cancelled my profile. But anyway thanks for your email address, it’s very convenient for me.

I attach my pics to this mail, if you need more, I will send more. But please, don’t ask for nude or lingerie pics. I don’t do them. I am sure, you like my pics because I am pretty cute. As for the character, I am very friendly. I am looking for friendship and I will be very glad to meet you in person in any Australian city. I like travelling.

I need to go to work now but I promise to write you more next time.

What is your name? You didn’t sign you message 🙂 In what city to you live? Will you send me your pics?

I will be waiting for your reply!


We were amazed to get this heaven-sent and worthy opportunity from George P. Kickliter (Capt.) and would never dream of ‘letting him down in this business,’ but would it be wrong? –

My Dear,

I am a captain commanding 2nd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment with the United States and Britain Coalition Force in Afghanistan on war against terrorism. Based on the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops from Afghanistan, i have decided to quit the marine and relocate to your country that’s why I need to invest on it now.

I want you to help me and buy property for my family and as well invest on real estate in your country and that is why I contacted you. On the other hand I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of $16.2million (US Dollars) which was recovered from one of our raids on terrorists here in Afghanistan because they keep most of their money at home for evil activities which they normally get through illegal deals on crude oil. Based on the suffering we undergo here some of us do meet such luck. It happened that I went for this raid with the men in my unit and I decided to take it as my share for my stress here in this evil land filled with suicide bombers. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent informing him that we are making contact for the real owner of the money. It is under my power to approve whoever comes forth for this money.

I wish to use this money on real estate/lands and property investment in your country because i know a lot of money is involved in it, that was the more reason I decided to resign and come over to your country once I move this money out of here through diplomatic courier service which is the safest means,i don’t want to die fighting terrorist all my life.

I cannot move this money to the United states because I will be outside the country for about 8years,so I need someone I could deal with. If you accept, I will transfer the money to where you will be the beneficiary because I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading such an amount so I need to present someone as the beneficiary. I am an intelligence officer for that so i have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through a diplomatic courier service. I just need your acceptance and all is done.

Please if you are interested in this transaction I will give to you the complete details you need for us to carry out this transaction successfully. I decided to find someone that is real and not imaginary and that is why i went to a secured site where I can be sure that the person is real. Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities which are secured so nobody can monitor our discussions, then I can explain in details to you. I will only reach you through emails, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.

Also, I want you to know that am revealing this deal to you with belief that you will never let me down in this business, you are the first and the only person that I am contacting for this deal, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you on the next step to take urgently. If you are interested please reply me immediately so I can contact you for further inquiries. I am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if no response after 3days i will then search for someone else. I am doing this on trust, you should understand and you should know that as a trained military expert I will always play safe in case you are the bad type, but I pray you are not. $16.2million is a lot of money which is the dream of anyone.

I wait for your contact details so we can go on. In less than 7days the money should have been noted on your care and I will come over for my money. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me. I hope I am being fair on this deal.

I wait to hear back from you.

Capt.George P Kickliter

(We were a trifle offended by the familiarity – “My Dear” as we couldn’t recall meeting the Captain, but let that pass – here was an opportunity no sane person could let pass.






In February 2019, we were delighted to receive this note:

To the Director

Compliment of The Day

I have a Very important request that made me to contact you; Mr. Antonio Román the Chief Finance Officer and the Executive Director of the Santander Bank UK plc, I found your profile very interesting and I decided to reach you directly to solicit your assistance and Guidelines in making a business investment and transfer of $85M to your country within three working days by MT103.

With your sincere assistance and co-operation, be so kind to contact me at your earlier convince through my private email ” ” to enable me furnish
you with more details of this lofty venture.


Antonio Román

CFO & Executive Director

Santander Bank UK


We were uncertain as to what aspect of our profile made Mr Román to contact us, but we were sure of the loftiness of his venture…

And we were chuffed to get this delightful and intriguing note the other day:

Hello Dear,

I am Sandrine Djetou. from Ivory Coast and I am contacting you because I need your help in the management of a sum of money that my dead father left for me before he died.This money is Five Million, Seven Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$5,700,000.00)Dollars and the money is in a bank here in Abidjan the capital city.

My father was highly reputable business magnet (cocoa farmer) and he was poisoned by his business colleagues and now I want you to stand as my guardian and appointed beneficiary and receive the money in your country since I am only 21 years and without mother or father.Please I have suffered a lot of humiliation from my immediate uncles due to this funds that is the reason I contact you to help me secure the money in your country so that I can come over and continue my education from were I stopped.

Moreover, I am willing to offer you 20% for your kind assistance to me after the successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account overseas. Please I will like you to reply me so that I will tell you all the information so that this money will be transferred to you.

I am waiting for your urgent reply, Immediately I confirm you are willing to help me in earnest, I will furnish you with more details
involved in this project.

Please reply  more details with my private email below:




Love from Sandrine Djetou

We were keen to help, but feel out of our depth dealing with the estate of ‘highly reputable business magnets’….
PS we were thrilled to get this recent message from the World Bank:

How are you doing now?

I am very sorry I have to reach you through this medium. I am a member of staff, ethics and privileges department of the World Bank and I am aware of your sad ordeal about your unpaid fund.

It may interest you to know that not long after the World Bank completed the merger and acquisition process of all pending payments due to the petition raised by the international community about their unpaid funds. I discovered that my boss connived with some top World Bank officials to divert funds approve to settle unpaid inheritances, email lottery winners, Internet scam victims, unclaimed consignments(concealed funds) and International Contractors.

The World Bank has already given approval for the payment of your fund but they deliberately withheld your payment file and continue to demand fees from you through their associates from different unassigned affiliates mostly from, the UK, US and the Netherlands all in an attempt to frustrate you and enrich themselves. I wonder why you haven’t notice all this while.

You may choose to disbelieve this alert as inconceivable but my doctrine does not permit such act, reason I have to open up to you to seek the right channel. Your fund was authorized to be paid to you through the World Bank asset management firm with a Key Tested Reference/Claim Code Number, which was supposed to have been issued to you before now.

Upon your response to my message, I shall guide you through and provide you with details to contact the World Bank assigned affiliate who will facilitate the release of your fund.

Thanks and have a nice day.

Yours Truly,

World Bank office.205 11-7-19

We didn’t hear further, despite our enthusiastic responses, for which we suspect the Coronavirus is to blame.  But then, wonder of wonders, we received this:

Good Day!

My name is Andrea Mbongo, I am a confidante of former president of DRC Congo, and before we left office and hand over to the current government in DRC Congo we moved 900 kilos of raw gold to Ghana and Ninety five million United State Dollar in secured place in Istanbul Turkey, Now we are looking for a capable person that can invest the fund and the gold in a profitable business with good annual return on the investment. Please note that this transaction is strictly confidential and would be keep as so between the representative of the owner of the fund and any interested person.

I will give you more details as soon as I hear from you.

Kind Regards,
Andrea Mbongo

We note that the price of gold id plummeting, so decided to pass on this.  We are already expecting rivers of cash in our bank account anyway.

Our sporting instincts were stirred by this we received on 19/1/2021:

Dear Sir,

I’m one of the registered and authorized International
procurement consultants of the Qatar 2022 FIFA world cup.

The government of Qatar through the Qatar 2022 FIFA World Cup
Local Organizing Committee has approved a massive procurement of
your company products for nationwide distribution to Airports
facilities, offices, stadiums, Hostels, Hotels, Shops, etc as
part of their national and regional sensitization programs towards the hosting of the FIFA world cup.

The packaging of your company products will be customized with the Qatar 2022
Logo. The Local Organizing Committee is looking for a capable company
to handle the supply of your company products under a bidding

I wish to know if your company will be interested to participate
in this project so that we could discuss on our possible
collaboration to ensure a successful bidding.

More details would be provided upon hearing from you.

Best Regards.
Mr. Mustafa Amer Ismail
Doha – Qatar.

We were delighted (but no longer suprised) by this beneficence from our new friend, Bill Lawrence:


You have a donation of 3,500,000.00 euro from Bill Lawrence, a Powerball lottery winner, worth $ 150 million.

Your email address has been selected at random to receive the 3,500,000.00 euros if you would like to contact the information below.

Contact the donor for further instructions,

Please contact this email only:
Bill Lawrence

Ezen üzenet és annak bármely csatolt anyaga bizalmas és érzékeny információkat tartalmazhat. Az üzenetet és bármely csatolt mellékletét kizárólag a címzett, illetve az általa meghatalmazottak használhatják fel. Ha ön nem az üzenet címzettje, úgy kérjük, hogy telefonon vagy e-mail-ben értesítse erről az üzenet küldőjét és törölje az üzenetet, valamint annak összes csatolt mellékletét a rendszeréből. Továbbá, ha nem ön az üzenet címzettje, abban az esetben tilos az üzenet bármely csatolt mellékletét megnyitnia, az üzenetet vagy annak bármely csatolt mellékletét lemásolnia, elmentenie, tárolnia, valamint az üzenet tartalmát arra illetéktelen személyekkel közölnie, továbbítania, hozzáférhetővé tennie vagy azzal egyéb módon visszaélnie. Tájékoztatjuk, hogy a jogellenes adatkezelést törvény bünteti.

It was dazzling to receive this from the UN’S Deputy Secretary General in August 2021:
405 East 42nd Street,
New York, NY
United States of America.Dear Sir/MadamPlease could you re-confirm that you turned down your grant of $1.2m so 
as to swiftly re-allocate same to another lucky beneficiaryHowever if it is ascertained that you didn’t,we still can  have same 
paid to you through another reliable source.Yours faithfully,
Amina J. Mohammed
(UN Deputy Sec,Gen)
What is sustainable about our economic development, we’re not sure, but we can use $1.2 m –  just as long as it does not involve the illegal importation of endangered Nigerian rosewood.
The generosity keeps coming! A heartbreaking lovely note had us in tears so we couldn’t bring ourselves to click on the link – also we were confused as to who was going to pay us the $3.5m, Mrs. Richard or Mrs. Nobakhti:

Hello my dear

May peace of our almighty god be unto you

Greeting in the name of our almighty god i wish you and your family happy moments of life now and forever more name is mrs Joy Tony Richard ,69 yers old from dubia living in in abidjan, cote d´ivoire,please, i do not have formal relationship with you but because of my present predicament and circumstances i am made to contact you.i have been suffering from cancer and have a short life to leave.i have made up my mind to donate my inheritance of 3.5million usd to the less privileged please help me to fulfill my last wish,please contact me here.

I wait to hear from you


Mrs bahadur reza nobakhti

FORGET JOBKEEPER!  This lovely note arrived today…
You are to receive a grant of $650,000 from the United Nation as COVID-19 Relief Fund. This is to support individuals whose Jobs and incomes are adversely impacted by the COVID-19 crisis. A grant of Six Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars is now available for you to claim. Contact us for more details.
You are one of our lucky beneficiaries to receive Two Million Dollars ($2,000,000) Covid-19 charity donation relief fund from Mukesh Ambani Foundation, to share to the poor, assist those families affected by Covid and old ages people around you…
We have been rather harsh on the Covid response, but accept the above on behalf of all gladly as compensation for our joint struggles…
June 2022 update: with the heart-breaking war in Ukraine continuing, we must say that we were at sixes and sevens about taking up the kind offer (below) from Mr. Juan Luciano.  We were bemused that a native of Ukraine would be called ‘Juan Luciano’ rather than Sergei Prokofiev or Volodymyr Zelenskyy, but we stifled such bigoted thoughts and reached out our hands to be greased on behalf of the greater good:

As you read this, I do not want you to feel sorry for me, because I believe everyone will die someday.

My name is Mr. Juan Luciano, a textile merchant from Ukraine, a country currently ravaged by war. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled
all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly
lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never Generous, I was always
hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to
life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come into this world I would live my life
a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul, so I have decided to
give alms to charity organizations to help those currently undergoing the present hardship as a result of the Russian invasion, as I want this to be one of the last good
deeds I do on earth. I want to believe that you will be capable of handling
this task for me. Please contact me via my personal email ( )

Thank you

Juan Luciano

It was interesting to get another heart-rending missive on 12/10/22, written in the same house style:


I am DOROTÉIA JOVITA DONATO., A Portuguese national,I was browsing and I saw your e-mail, So i decided to write you if your e-mail is active, I have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live. I am very rich, but was never generous; I have given most of my assets to my immediate family members.

I have decided to give alms to charity organizations. I cannot do this myself anymore because of my health. I once asked members of my family to give some money to charity organizations, they refused and kept the money. I have a huge cash deposit of Eighteen Million dollars with a security firm in America. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatch it to charity organizations. You will take out 20% of these funds for your assistance.

I will like you to acknowledge the receipt of this e-mail as soon as possible and treats with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.



The largesse keeps mon coming! This just in, from the “Open Society”:

Good day and congratulations to you,

I am Thomas H. Cumberland, I am writing on behalf of OpenSocietyFoundation.

Please confirm your email is still active. You have a donation from the Open Society USA. You have been awarded 2,500,000.00 Euro (Two Million, Five hundred thousand Euros only) by the Open Society Foundation, Your Email address was chosen at random for this grant. for more information, Kindly get back to us at your earliest convenience,

Donor: Open Society International
Type: Charity
Amount: 2,500,000.00 Euro (Two Million, Five hundred thousand Euro only)

Contact us immediately for more information and claims.

Thomas H. Cumberland

20 years ago (2003) the Australian Government passed the Spam Act. This serves to regulate commercial email and prohibit unsolicited emails. Act passed: Problem Solved!!!

Amazing to hear from the benighted Ukraine.
“”Dear friend

Greetings to you from Ukraine. My name is Volodymyr Bondarenko, and I was the last administrator in Kyiv, Ukraine. I lost my brother in this war and it is my responsibility to take care of his only daughter which is 9 years old. I intend for her to live outside the country and I would be glad if you can adopt her. My brother left ten million dollars behind for her education and upkeeps. If you think you can take this responsibility kindly get back to me, as the money will be placed under your care then you can complete the adoption. Because at this stage nobody can guarantee survival in the war.

I will be glad if you can carry out this small assignment as I intend a peaceful life for her. If you agree to this I will give you details of the inheritance claims and start the process. I have no other choice at this stage rather than to trust you, and I believe I can count on you as we are grateful for all the support the world has given to Ukraine for the past few months.

Thank you so much I will check my email daily for your communication as that’s the only means I can reach out to the outside world right now.

Volodymyr Bondarenko”

We suspect that the “ten million dollars” was from Joe Biden, on a loop from Burisma, Hunter Biden, and Sam Bankman-Fried, but in any case, we find ourselves unable to “carry out this small assignment.”


  1. Reply

    Miriam English

    April 22, 2016

    Thanks for your wonderful page. I had a lot of good laughs reading it.

    I was sent your way by Google when I searched for the text of an email I just now received which is identical to the last one printed above (the one from the "lady" who would prefer not to send nude of lingerie pics) except that mine is supposedly from Lada Nayar. I figured it was spam. "She" was asking what my name was when I never use pseudonyms -- not much point doing so with my domain name. :)

    My favourite spam was the famous stranded time traveller spam. I remember around 2002 or 2003, I think, receiving one of those.

    Thanks for the smiles. I appreciate it. :)

    • Reply

      Lesley Jakobsen

      April 26, 2016

      Hi Miriam, glad you liked our post. I can't think why we are not all rich, with so much free money floating around, ours just for the taking. Well, I'd better go. There's someone at the door, wants to sell me the Sydney Harbour Bridge. :)

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